no matter how happy i am, how content i am in the present, how much i love him and always have.. why will the past never leave? and how can you forget it? all of it? every, single heartbreaking instance, every fight between friends, every night that left you drunken and broken in more ways than you can count and more ways than you care to acknowledge? they're always there. they're always just below the surface of the memories that i supress. and i come back to today and i remind myself how happy i am, having left it all behind and how in love i am with the man i've always wanted. but i won't ever, ever forgive myself for those nights. for that hurt. for the broken nights and broken hearts i helped create. still, sometimes i scratch deep below the surface and i delve into tangible tokens of those past experiences. of the people i've lost, in life and otherwise. some are never coming back and some i never want back and then, some, don't even matter because you can never replace them and they're not on this earth to have back. to recreate those broken nights, or better still, those broken mornings. and still, dear readers, i turn to you, i turn to the screen to tell you. though i shouldn't be telling anyone, because, really, i shouldn't think it. but i do.
all that said, even if you promised me all the money in the world, i wouldn't trade it. it got me here, it got me to him. it got me to him.
well, actually, i'd take him there with me. i'm really broke. so.. maybe an offer less useful.
anyway, it doesn't change the fact that i've caused them heartbreak and pain and because of me they, too, can reminisce about broken nights and fights and bottles and blunts and blood. and i can't ever take that back.
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